last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
