Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have aggressive nipples.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
