just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
