First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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