I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
