I am puke
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
