Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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