I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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