i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
