He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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