from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
