Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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