in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
