3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
