Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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