Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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