This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
