i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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