took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
