the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
