so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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