I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
