It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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