smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
