i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
