Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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