Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
