My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
