proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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