Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
