we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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