Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, he came in my armpit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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