when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
