Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
