just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
