I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I AM VODKA MAN
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
