Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
