WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
