the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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