I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is the high leading the old right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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