turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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