i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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