the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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