you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
