his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
