He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
