It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
