maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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