I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
