i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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