very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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