there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
