it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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