Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize