We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize