Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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