She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
