girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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