last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
