There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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