I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
