my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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