we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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