big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.