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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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• (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

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• (818): View more from California

  I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

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  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

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• (707): View more from California

  I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

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• (714): View more from California

  Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.

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• (916): View more from California

  What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum

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  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  God bless Atlanta.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Drunk ass.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.

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• (044): View more from

  i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.

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