If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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