You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
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It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????