it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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