I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
