Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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