apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
