Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
