i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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