i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
