He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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